dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
