Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
