Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize