Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
