He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
