so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
