Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
