I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize