Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
