I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sarcasm needs its own font
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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