I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
