Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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