he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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