Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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