i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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