The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
