have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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