Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
