Sry I called you an 8
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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