explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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