She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
