Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
