My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
