You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
