You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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