I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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