wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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