I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
