if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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