I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
