everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
