I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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