My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
