a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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