Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
