i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
