$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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