I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
