i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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