So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
