I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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