in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
