Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
