i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
