Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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