It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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