I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
