I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
