oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
