A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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