I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
