we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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