I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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