I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
