Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
