This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize