its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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