Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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