Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
