Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Come on in and take your pants off
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