I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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