fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
