I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize