I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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