Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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