I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
