and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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