If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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