eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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