Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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