yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
