I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
