i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
