I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
