So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
the raccoons are back...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
