Why are handjobs necessary in class?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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