just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
