the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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