My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize