at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
