I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
