dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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