He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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