the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
