He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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