a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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