It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
