the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize