i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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