we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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