I wish life had little blips of pornography
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
