If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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