What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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