she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
