We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Everyone says I win the strip club
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
