my sisters under your porch take her home
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There are leaves in my underwear?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
