this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
