she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
